How to Become More Extroverted (Without Becoming Someone You're Not)
Imagine you’re double-booked for a Friday night. One invitation is for a big party where you'll know only a handful of people. The other is for dinner with two close friends you've known for years. Which sounds better?
Your answer probably tells us something about your level of extraversion. People higher in extraversion tend to seek out social interaction and excitement. They're more likely to be talkative, assertive, energetic, and comfortable approaching people they don't know. They also tend to experience positive emotions more frequently and may seek out new and stimulating activities. Learn more about Extraversion.
People lower in extraversion tend to prefer less stimulation and may be more selective about their social interactions. Given the choice between a crowded party and dinner with a couple of close friends, they may happily choose the latter.
Neither is inherently better. But what if being a little more extroverted would make it easier to create the life you want?
The good news is that you can become more extroverted. You don't have to transform yourself from an introvert into an extrovert to do it, either. Research on intentional personality change suggests that people can gradually shift their personality traits by repeatedly practicing new ways of thinking and behaving. Learn more about the science of personality change?
The more useful question, then, isn't Can I become more extroverted? It's whether becoming more extroverted would help you build a life that's better aligned with what matters to you.
Why Would You Want to Become More Extroverted?
Extraversion is associated with some pretty appealing outcomes. People higher in this trait tend to experience more positive emotions and report greater well-being. Being comfortable approaching others can also make it easier to form relationships, build professional networks, advocate for yourself, and pursue opportunities that require being visible.
This doesn't mean that extraverts are destined to be happier or more successful than introverts. Personality is only one of many factors that shape our lives. But certain behaviors associated with extraversion can be useful when we're trying to accomplish particular goals.
Imagine you want to move into leadership at work but rarely speak during meetings. Greater assertiveness could make it easier for other people to see what you have to contribute. Maybe you've moved to a new city and want close friendships, but you rarely initiate plans. Being slightly more socially proactive could create more opportunities for those relationships to develop.
Given these benefits, it's natural to wonder whether life would be easier if you were a bit more extraverted.
Longitudinal research that follows people for decades tells us that personality changes across the lifespan. More recently, researchers have asked whether people can deliberately influence that process. Studies of intentional personality change suggest that they can.
For example, when people deliberately practice more extraverted behaviors, such as initiating conversations or contributing more during social interactions, they can experience some of the benefits associated with being naturally higher in extraversion, including increases in positive emotion. With repeated practice, these behavioral shifts may also contribute to changes in the trait itself.
In other words, acting more extroverted isn't necessarily just pretending to be an extrovert. If you repeatedly change the patterns of thinking and behavior that define extraversion, you may gradually become more extraverted.
But that doesn't mean everyone should be trying to become the life of the party. Personality change is only useful when it helps bring you closer to what you value.
How to become more extraverted.
There Are Benefits to Being More Introverted, Too
Just because there are benefits to being higher in extraversion doesn't mean more of this trait is always better.
People lower in extraversion may be more comfortable with solitude, less dependent on external stimulation, and more inclined to listen before jumping into a conversation. They may prefer a few close relationships to a large social network and be perfectly happy spending time on activities that don't involve other people.
These tendencies are real strengths. Someone who doesn't feel compelled to fill every silence may be a thoughtful listener. Someone who enjoys working independently may be able to spend long stretches focused on a project without needing much outside stimulation. And being selective about social activities can leave more time and energy for the relationships and other pursuits that most align with their values.
Higher extraversion can have downsides, too. Someone who needs a lot of stimulation may become bored easily, have difficulty spending time alone, or prioritize excitement in situations where slowing down would serve them better. A highly assertive person can also dominate conversations or leave too little room for other people's perspectives.
That's why I don't think of personality traits as qualities we should try to maximize. There is no ideal Big Five personality profile. Every trait comes with potential advantages and tradeoffs depending on the person, the situation, and what they're trying to accomplish. Learn more with my Complete Guide to the Big Five.
The goal of personality change isn't to move everyone toward the same supposedly ideal level of each trait. It's to figure out whether your current patterns are helping you create the life you want.
Think of a Dial, Not a Category
We often talk about introverts and extroverts as though they're two fundamentally different kinds of people. But that's not how personality psychologists understand extraversion.
Extraversion is a continuum. You can be relatively low, relatively high, or, like most people, somewhere in between.
That's an important distinction because it changes what it means to "become more extroverted."
You don't need to cross some imaginary line from introvert to extrovert. Instead, think of your level of extraversion as a dial. You might decide to turn it up slightly in situations where greater sociability, assertiveness, or energy would help you, while keeping the aspects of introversion that serve you well.
For example, you could:
contribute once during a meeting when you would normally stay silent;
introduce yourself to one person at an event rather than waiting for someone to approach you;
accept a social invitation you'd normally decline because you'd genuinely like to strengthen the relationship;
initiate plans with someone you'd like to know better;
express enthusiasm instead of assuming other people already know you're interested.
These aren't attempts to manufacture a new identity. They're behavioral experiments: small opportunities to find out what happens when you behave a little differently than you normally would.
That matters because your beliefs about your personality can sometimes keep your existing patterns in place. If you think, I'm an introvert, so networking just isn't me, you may avoid networking altogether. That means you never get the opportunity to discover that you can initiate a conversation, tolerate some awkwardness, and perhaps even enjoy yourself.
One successful experience gives you new information: Maybe I'm more capable of doing this than I thought.
And that can make the next step easier.
Start With the Life You Want
How far you turn that dial, if at all, depends on what you want your life to look like.
If you're happy with your relationships, enjoy how you spend your time, and don't feel that lower extraversion is getting in the way of anything important, there's no particular reason to change it. You do you.
But imagine you want to move into leadership at work and rarely contribute during meetings. Or you've moved to a new city and want to make new friends. Perhaps you'd like a romantic relationship but rarely put yourself in situations where you might meet someone.
In those cases, becoming an extrovert still isn't the goal.
The promotion, friendship, or relationship is the goal. Turning the dial slightly toward extraversion may simply help you get there.
This is how I think about intentional personality change more broadly. The question isn't Which personality traits should I maximize? It's Where are my current patterns getting in the way of something that's important to me?
Once you've identified that mismatch, you can choose a small behavioral experiment. Someone who wants more friendships doesn't need to suddenly attend three parties a week. They might start by texting an acquaintance to suggest getting coffee. Someone who wants greater visibility at work doesn't need to become the loudest voice in every meeting. They could decide in advance on one point they'd like to contribute.
Then pay attention to what happens. If the experience goes better than you predicted, you've collected evidence that challenges whatever self-limiting belief was keeping the old pattern in place. That can give you the confidence to take a slightly bigger step next time.
Repeated often enough, these aren't simply isolated behaviors anymore. They become new patterns in how you interact with the world.
And those patterns are what personality is made of.
Want to Know Which Personality Dial to Turn?
You don't need to turn your personality dial very far to make a meaningful difference. The trick is figuring out which change would have the biggest impact on the life you want.
The Personality Action Plan helps you identify a personality pattern that's getting in your way, connect the change you want to something you genuinely value, and create a personalized strategy for putting it into practice.
